The Gift of Life

I have been kicking myself that I haven't blogged since the wedding. I've thought of so many things that I could write about over the last few months, but other things always seem to get in the way. However, this time I couldn't let that happen, because I had to express how grateful I am for just life itself. It is probably the hardest thing we ever have to do overall, so it kinda fits the theme :)

I've been able to celebrate the birth of Jesus this last week, as well as my own birth today. But I have never felt so much appreciation for either his life or mine. I read a book over the last week that talked a lot about the Atonement and how it can cleanse us and change us. I needed that reminder and am so happy that through Christ's death, sacrifice, and resurrection, we can have life. Physical and spiritual. Him and our Father in Heaven give us breath everyday. How often to we realize that and appreciate it? My outlook on that has completely changed since Sunday.

On our way to church, my husband Scott and I got in a car accident. We hydroplaned and spun into oncoming traffic. As I was sitting in the truck watching it spin, I honestly thought my life was going to be over. When our truck was hit by another truck, my door popped open and I was ejected and thrown to the ground. As soon as I felt myself hit the ground I got up and ran to the shoulder of the road because I didn't want to get hit by a car. I fell to my knees on that grass and thanked God that Scott and I were somehow still alive.

Here I am today, celebrating my 22nd birthday. How? My only explanation is that miracles do happen. The EMTs said they had never seen anyone be thrown from a vehicle and be as fine as I was. The ER doctor told me hat there is a 50% mortality rate when people are ejected from vehicles, and that I was the luckiest girl in Indianapolis that day. All I could think or say was that I have angels watching over me. I so easily could have died. And I left the emergency room with the diagnoses of a only a sprained neck and sprained back. So I am a little sore. That's it. Oh, and I have a little bump on my forehead. ;) It was very emotional thinking about how I still get to hug my family and talk with them face to face. How I get to go back to school and work and doing all the things that I love. I will forever thank my Heavenly Father for the breath I am given every single day by Him. I believe that everything happens for a reason. He must still need me here, and I want to continue to give my life to Him so He can use my how He needs to. Life is precious. Let us try to always remember that, not just when something tragic happens. Yes, life is hard. But it is the only way we can learn and grow to become like God our Father. And it will be so worth it.

I Want...

While reading the scriptures this morning, I came across a verse that I hadn't noticed much in the past. It is in the Book of Mormon and is talking about Christ's church that has been set up on the American continent by a prophet of God. It reads, "And this he said unto them, having been commanded of God; and they did walk uprightly before God, imparting to one another both temporally and spiritually according to their needs and their desires" (Mosiah 19:29).

I've had discussions with people who think that God only cares about our needs. That small things don't matter to Him, because they may be things that don't really help on our eternal progression. These might include where you live or if you make the volleyball team or where you work or how well you do at your job. But I'm of the impression that if it matters to us, it matters to our Father in Heaven. He may not give us all of our desires all the time, but I believe that He does care. And if we look back and really think about the blessings in our lives, were they all really just a necessity that we absolutely needed?.. David J. Ridges wrote study helps for all of the scriptures, and this is the quote he included with the above mentioned scripture.

"...the Lord is not interested in only our 'bare bones' needs. Rather, in the true gospel, and through the Spirit, much attention is given to individual wants, talents, abilities, etc. It is probable that many of the sweet blessings and 'tiny miracles' in your life have had to do with our wants and desires, not just your needs for survival. Thus, you have the knowledge that the Lord's interested in you as an individual, and that He knows you well, and enjoys blessing you in ways that are unique, intimate, warm, and special to you."

I've found through experience lately that God finds ways to help us with our needs and desires. For example, after deciding to get married in the Fall, I had to sell my housing contract and start looking for an apartment to live in when we get married. It was such a pain. I was stressing out looking online, calling and emailing people, and visiting different apartments for weeks. I was praying for help to find a place, but after not finding what we wanted I changed my prayers a bit. The Lord knew my desires, but I started asking Him to put us where He needs us and where we can serve Him best. Prayer is about aligning our will with God's, not telling Him what to do for us. This is often a hard thing, but I've found that as we do it we can better notice the Lord's hand in our lives and realize that our needs and desires are fulfilled simultaneously.

When You Least Expect It...

Many people will tell you that God answers prayers. And I am definitely one of those people. However, even if we believe that He will answer, we still tend to ask that those questions of "when" and "how" that answer will come. We humans can be pretty demanding and kind of high maintenance. We want what we want, and we want it now. So, when we don't get that, it can be hard. One of my favorite quotes is by President Uchtdorf, an apostle of Jesus Christ. He said, " The Lord's promises are not always swift, but they are always certain." God promises that He will answer us and give us what we need. That is certain. Whether it's tomorrow, next year, or when you least expect it, it is certain. 

I have been home from my mission for nine months now. Crazy, I know. I knew that once I got home the next thing we work towards is marriage and having a family. I also knew that I was nowhere near ready for that stuff. But, I started praying anyways. I asked Heavenly Father to at least just help me be prepared so that when I met the right person, I would know that it was right. But that was it. I was not asking for a time frame or a prince charming or anything like that. I was in no rush; I was just leaving it up to God.

I started school in January at BYU, where there is a lot of pressure to date and get married. I remember being home one weekend after having been at school for few weeks and having a conversation with my amazing stepmom. She asked me how dating was going and all that fun stuff, and I told her that I wasn't really worried about it. That it wasn't very high on my priority list and I was just kind of going with the flow of whatever happened. If I got asked, I'd go, but I wasn't necessarily seeking... She told me that I needed to at least pray for Father to send the angels to prepare someone really great for me. And she said I needed to do my part. Whether it was one date per week or whatever, but that I at least had to try. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't avoiding dating. But I wasn't fond of having a different first date every weekend, half of them being blind. But, I agreed to at least add to my prayers that someone would be prepared for me. 

After a couple months of that, a friend that I had since the beginning of the semester asked me on a date. I said yes, because I always said yes to at least a first date. And he was pretty cute too, so it wasn't hard. :) It ended up being one of the best dates I'd been on. So, we kept going on dates and hanging out. He ended up leaving for the summer, and it sucked. I was always so wishy washy and unsure about our relationship, which I'm sure drove him insane, but I kept praying for those things that I had been praying for for months. I'll admit that I was getting a little impatient with God for not letting me know if this was the right person for me to be with. But, I knew that God had a plan for me and I was learning to accept that. Even if it was a hard thing. 

Well, long story short, I went to visit this boy one weekend, and it just clicked. That is the only way I know how to explain it. I was not expecting that to happen at all, but like I said, sometimes God answers our prayers when we least expect it. After praying all that time to know when it was right, I knew. There were no more doubts. Nothing had ever felt so right to me. No, there wasn't writing in the sand that said, "MARRY HIM," which is what we sometimes wish would happen. I had been praying for someone great to be prepared for me, and for me to be prepared for whoever that may be. And, after weighing it out logically and emotionally and spiritually, that happy feeling I had while I was there had to be my answer. It was everything I could have asked for, even if the timing wasn't what I had imagined. 

Remember, this doesn't only have to be about dating or getting married. It could be for anything that is in our future--jobs, housing, family, school. If we continue to trust in God and ask, His time table is much better than ours, and the right thing will happen exactly when it is supposed to. So keep praying. Keep working. And keep that faith in God and His timing. Because when you can look back and see the bigger picture, it will all my perfect sense, just like it did to Him the whole time. 

Communication is Key

An old friend of mine would use his famous line: "Confidence is key." I would just laugh whenever he said it because I always thought he was too confident. However, as I've grown up more I've found it to actually be pretty true. But it's also led me to realize how communication is also key. When we talk about boys or dating one of my roommates would always say "open, honest, direct" is the best way to go. But the more I've thought about it and had experiences, the more I've learned that it is always the best policy, not just with dating.

It takes effort to communicate.
Not everyone is naturally open.
Being honest can be a hard thing.
I think it's totally human to beat around the bush and be indirect.
But as I've paid attention and observed different peoples' communication skills, I've noticed that when we know how to communicate it can really improve our relationships and stress levels!

So, how do you do it? Well, I'm no expert. I wish I was. But I've seen my communication improve just as my awareness has increased. I think it's one of those things that takes practice and is a life long learning process. It goes back to confidence--we need it to be open and honest.  I've been around quite a few terrible communicators and also some really great ones. I try to take what I see them do or don't do and apply it. For example, my mom was the best listener I know, so I've been trying to be a better listener thanks to her example. Lately my dad and I seem to forget to tell each other important things, so we are both working on keeping each other in the loop more. It really is the small things. Then, once you get started, it gets easier.

I am so grateful for the relationships that I have now where good communication is a priority on both sides. There isn't secrets or games or dishonesty, and it makes it much easier to grow and keep building these friendships that are so necessary. Too often we let fear stop what would be a great relationship. But we can always pray for strength and courage to say the right things at the right times. Yes, it can be scary and a hard thing, but learning how to be a better communicator and being open, honest, and direct is SO worth it when you see the positive effect it has in different aspects of your life.

Can't stop, won't stop

Title is stolen from Nike, but I feel like this is just the attitude you have to have when you have hard things to get through. Just keep swimming. Never give up. Put one foot in front of the other. Easier said than done, I know. But when we somehow find a way to just push through, we eventually end up at the end, even if we don't know how we got there.

For example, last week I finished the semester. It wasn't easy. College isn't really easy. Finals always seem like they will be the death of me. But somehow I walk out of that last test and realize that I did it, and I'm still alive. We can survive and feel accomplished by not stopping. Just doing our very best, even when we feel like we can't go on. My dad always told me that I wasn't a failure unless I didn't finish. There were times this semester where I felt zero motivation to study. Where I couldn't even stay awake sitting in the library. Where I just wanted to run away! (Sometimes I did, but I'll get to that). However, I knew I didn't have a choice, so I just thought about how I want to be happy in the future and took another step forward.

Sometimes, I had to literally take that step forward. These are the times when I didn't quit, but took a little break. I love to run, and that's what I would do to keep me going. If I tried to go a whole day with just study and no work out, I would feel like...just yuck! You can also find that thing that makes you happy and gives you that little boost to keep going. It helps to find something to work towards. I purposely registered for half marathon that was the week finals ended. It motivated me to just finish classes strong so I could go to St. George and run that race that I'd been looking forward to for months. So I felt good finishing finals, but the real feeling of accomplishment came when I crossed that finish line.

I can't even begin to describe how amazing it felt. Yes, while I was running my knees hurt and I was hungry and tired and wanted to stop and walk, but I just kept going. I wanted to be able to say, "I ran 13.1 miles without stopping." We all want to be able to say we did our very best in whatever we do. And when we do that, imagine how it will feel when we cross that short term finish line, or the long term one at the end of our lives. I want to be able to say that I took another step forward. I kept swimming. I didn't give up. I'm not a quitter or a failure, because I FINISHED.

Support

To continue on a little bit about the story of my mom from the last post, I want to write about how we can use others for support when we go through hard things. Like I mentioned, I was with my cheerleading team when I heard about my mom. We were at the national competition in Disneyland, my last time ever competing. Everyone is supposed to leave their stuff in the practice gym, but I felt like I needed to keep my phone on me. We were up in this big stadium watching the teams perform and waiting for our turn. My dad called so I stepped out to talk to him. He was crying hysterically and told me that everything was going to be okay. I was so confused, but then he told me that my mom was gone. I literally could not believe it. I was eighteen years old, and I felt like my life was falling apart. The first person who saw me crying on the phone was one of the cheerleaders running the competition. I'd never met her, but she just hugged me until I got off the phone. She assured me that everything was going to okay and that Heavenly Father and my mom were watching over me and helping me.

That was the first of many comforting words and hugs. From a complete stranger. She will never know the affect she had on me, because I will never forget that. After that my teammates and their parents and my coaches were so amazing. We still performed and did the best we ever had. I had hundreds of phone calls, texts, Facebooks messages, emails, cards, and letters of support and comfort from probably everyone that I know. My coach drove me back to Utah early so I could be with my family. A friend then drove me to Richfield where my family was staying with my grandma. I can't even begin to describe all the ways we were served and loved.

Probably the most support we felt was the next day as we listened to the Prophet of God give comforting words about the Plan of Happiness that God put forth for all His children. Thomas S. Monson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints reminded us the answers to the questions--Where did we come from? Why are we here? Where are we going? This man didn't know what my family was going through, but God did. And I know without a doubt that President Monson receives revelation from God for us, so that we can learn, grow, receive the comfort that we need, and be happy.

One of my favorite things to do is talk to people. I love when they listen and sincerely care about what I am saying, and I am so grateful for those who have done that for me. I am learning to be that person, and be better at listening, so I can provide the love and support that others do for me. The smallest phrases and gestures can do wonders for someone who is going through a hard time. When I get home from school and my roommate asks me how my day was, it means so much to me! Or when they other one asks me if I need dinner. I feel so much love from them and for them.

When it rains, it pours, right? Well the past few weeks were kinda rough for me. But they were also pretty tough for my two roommates/best friends. I needed them, but they also needed me. I realized that God was giving me and opportunity to get outside of myself and help them, which was exactly what I needed to get through my rain. So when dealing with hard things, take advantage of those people who are willing to help you, support you, and comfort you, and try to do the same for them :)

He Is Risen

Isn't this time of year so amazing? Trees and flowers blooming, birds chirping, baby cows--NEW LIFE! Spring is beautiful, and part of what makes it so beautiful is the Easter holiday. It's my favorite because it reminds us of the resurrection of our Savior Jesus Christ, and how we can all be resurrected as well. We will all have new life. We will all live again after we die. This simple truth has gotten me through the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. 

Exactly three years ago my mom was killed in a car accident. The death of a loved one is hard on everyone, but the knowledge I have of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and His Atonement is what has gotten me through every day since it happened. I was in California at a cheerleading competition when my dad called and told me about the accident. Nothing can prepare you for news like that, but I was overwhelmed with peace as I prayed and sought heaven's help with my cheer team. My family was showered with love and support from everyone, which was so helpful. But, when people asked me how I was dealing so well with it, my only answer was that I have the constant comfort of the Spirit of the Lord, along with the knowledge that I will see my mom again. 

Lucky for us, Easter was the next weekend. We were again reminded that our Lord and Savior rose on the third day so that we all may do the same. Death is not the end. That is a solid fact that I know without a doubt to be true. It doesn't make things easy, but it does make them a little bit less hard. Yes, I still miss my mom everyday. I wish so bad that I could call her and tell her about my life. She was the best listener ever. But I know that she is with me. She helps me everyday. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles once said, 

"In the gospel of Jesus Christ you have help from both sides of the veil and you must never forget 

that. When disappointment and discouragement strike—and they will—you must remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. They will always be there, these armies of heaven…" 

They really are. I felt my mom everyday on my mission. I know that Heavenly Father had work for her to do on the other side. I am so grateful for her example of hard work and love that prepared me to do what she had done for us. It was my senior year of high school. I was just trying to graduate and get out of that town. I took on the responsibility of cleaning, laundry, cooking, rides, etc. Is there any possible way I could have done that alone? NO! I had her. I had my friends and family. But most of all I had my Savior Jesus Christ and my Father in Heaven. Their Plan is absolutely perfect. Once we come to realize that, life gets less hard. Easter reminds us of that Plan, so try to remember it more and share it with those who need it this time of year. :) 

xoxo

Loni

Decisions!

Oh decisions! I feel like they can be the hardest things ever sometimes! We are so blessed that God gave us our freedom of choice, but aren't there times you wish He would just tell you exactly what to do? I know I've felt that way. But I've learned that He will often trust us to make decisions on our own because if the right choice was always just handed to us, what would we learn? I've also learned that God loves us so much that He won't leave us hanging. He knows exactly what we need. I read an amazing scripture in the Book of Mormon today, But the Lord knoweth all things from the beginning; wherefore, he prepareth a way to accomplish all his works among the children of men; for behold, he hath all power unto the fulfilling of all his words. And thus it is. Amen. (1 Nephi 9:6). We might always know where we will end up, but He does, and He will help us get there because He wants us to be happy and return to live with Him someday. 

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I really want to do with my life career wise and if I am studying the right thing in school. I was kind of putting off the decision because I didn't want to make it. Then I got an email reminding me about how soon class registration is. Yikes! So it was time to crack down. I didn't want to talk to anyone about this because I tend to let others sway my decisions. I finally knelt down and told Heavenly Father my situation and what I was feeling. Exactly what I was feeling. Just like I would talk to a friend. Then I listened and thought and read the scriptures. The impression that I got from the Spirit is that Heavenly Father wants me to be happy. "...men are, that they might have joy" (2 Nephi 2:25). The path I was taking in college was challenging and making me kind of miserable. So, I switched my major. And it feels so great! My step-mom reminded me that we aren't just here to survive, we are here to thrive. 

Notice how God didn't tell me exactly what to change my major to or what I should be when I grow up. He didn't tell me which path to go down when I came to this fork in the road. I had to work through it and basically make the decision on my own, then He confirmed to me that it was right. I've found that this is not always the case, but often. And because of that I learn more about myself and God's plan for me. :) 

xoxo
Loni

Overcome. Conquer. Rise above.

For the past four weeks I've had to do a plant-based, whole foods diet modification for one of my classes. It was... hard. We were allowed dairy once a week, meat/eggs once a week, and no sugar. I know, you're wondering what I've been eating for the past month, right? Basically fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Thank goodness I enjoy eating all of those things. But, for those of you who know me, you know that I LOVE sugar. My sweet tooth can be uncontrollable at times. So the dairy and meat wasn't too bad, but turning down every sweet thing that someone offered me was... pure torture.

Looking back, I have learned so much. About food and about myself. I was addicted to sugar. Like literally. I craved it after every meal. In fact, I still do sometimes. And that is the thing about addictions. They don't just "go away." No, I'm not an expert or anything close to that, but I have had experiences with it in my life. It is real and it is not fun. I've watched several loved ones deal with addictions and trust me, it didn't only affect them. Addiction is a hard thing that we deal with, and it ruins lives. But, the thing I love is that there is hope. Always. We CAN overcome our addictions. Whether it be food, drugs, pornography, work, or whatever it is that tempts us. Guess what. Someone has been there. Someone has felt that.

Our Savior Jesus Christ felt each and every one of our temptations. He knows how it felt when my professor brought cookies to class and I had to pass the plate right along without taking one. I know it might sound dumb, but I really did count on the Atonement of Jesus Christ to help me through times like that! And now I realize that I don't need that ice cream after dinner or that piece of chocolate after lunch. You don't need that cigarette or that drink or those extra hours at work or your social media. You probably think you do, but I promise that you can rise above that. It doesn't come over night, but you can overcome and conquer those things that hold you down.

But what about setbacks? Well, they don't last. You can always change. You can always start new. Did I slip up on this diet? Of course. Did I make up for it by exercising extra? Oh yeah. Does my body feel so much better than it did a month ago? Yes! Know that you can do it and you are not alone! Elder M. Russell Ballard, an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ said it perfectly. "I have seen the marvelous blessing of recovery that can set one free from the chains of addiction. The Lord is our Shepherd, and we shall not want as we trust in the power of the Atonement. I know the Lord can and will free the addicted from their bondage, for as the Apostle Paul proclaimed, 'I can do all things though Christ which strengtheneth me.' (Philippians 4:13)."

For more about overcoming addiction visit addictionrecovery.lds.org.

We love green smoothies! 

PEACE

Over the past few years I've found that one of the hard things we do on an almost daily basis is try to find peace. It's something we all want and strive for, but for some reason it seems hard to come by. This weekend I have felt so much peace and wanted to share some ideas of how we can all feel that more in our lives.

1. Attend the temple. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the temple is very important to me. We go there to learn and grow closer to God. It is the most peaceful place on earth. I promise. Yesterday I was able to go with my parents. I can't believe it's been two years since my dad and I went for the first time together. It was a long hard road to get there, but the blessings that have come into our lives since then have been unbelievable. (To learn more about temples visit temples.lds.org)

2. Catch up with old friends. I got to hang out with three of my best friends from home this weekend. I heard a statistic once that catching up with old friends helps your immune system so that you will get sick less! I believe it! Knowing that I have people who care about me and have a sincere interest in my life and well being brings me a lot of peace.

3. Find beauty in everything around you. I live in the most fascinating place. Looking around me this weekend and noticing all of the beautiful things made me so grateful, and "a grateful heart is a happy heart," which is a peaceful heart. The temple--lovely. The view of St. George from Dixie Rock--exquisite. My friends who got married yesterday--dazzling. My run down Cedar Canyon and with the snow and the river--magnificent. My sisters and best friends who made time hang out with me--stunning. BYU basketball winning their game last night--excellent. Missionaries returning home with honor--wonderful.

If you are wound up and needing to feel peaceful, these are just a few simple things that help me. Find what gives you that feeling, and remember it. I would love to hear about what brings you peace. :)

xoxo
Loni

Differences and Love

At institute tonight the lesson was on love. How can we love those around us more than we do already? And how will that help us overcome hard things and differences? A couple months ago I remember be so upset with my brother that I couldn't even handle it. I was literally having a come apart because of our differences and how frustrating it was. Luckily, it was during Christmas time, so I had the reminder of the Christmas spirit, which is to love. It took a lot of prayer and humility on my part, but I was able to work through my frustration and love him.

"Love is the only force that can erase differences [between people]." -President Gordon B. Hinckley

Differences in the world is one hard thing that we may have to deal with. Or should I say get to deal with? We all have our differences. And we may not agree with everything going on around us. But this quote by Gordon B. Hinckley, former president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, basically sums up the cure, if you ask me. President Hinckley has a special place in my heart because he showed so much love to everyone, whether he knew them personally or not. This is also how our Savior Jesus Christ worked. He loved everyone with a pure and perfect love. And guess what he asked us to do? The same! "...love one another as I have loved you" (John 13:34). There are so many ways we can look at the topic of love, but the most important way is to remember the way the Savior loved.

Two examples that never cease to love me as Jesus would are my roommates. They serve me, compliment me, listen to me, and deal with me. Every day. I am so grateful for them and their example of this that reminds me to do the same. What will you do to love those around you more perfectly?

xoxo
Loni

Start of Something New

So I used this blog for updates about my mission. Since I've been home I have been praying a lot about how I can continue to help and inspire people. I've had this recurring thought to blog about my experiences. I kind of kept pushing it off because I'm not a writer and not even really a big fan of blogs! However, the past couple weeks I can't really deny that Heavenly Father has been trying to tell me to do this. My boss showed me the blog of a girl whose family died while she was on her mission, and it was so touching. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. Then just this weekend a sweet girl from my high school cheerleading team messaged me to thank me for being such a great example. Tonight I went to listen to Al Fox Carraway (blogger and inspirational speaker), and that was it! I was inspired. I came home, opened my computer, and here I am.

The title "You Can Do Hard Things" has been a type of theme for me the past few years. As I prayed about what I could call this blog, it was what came to mind. By sharing some of the "hard things" that have happened, I really just hope to help and encourage anyone who may need it. Like I said, I'm not a writer or blogger, so please bear with me as I try this out! I just pray that God will help me know what you need to hear from me.

xoxo
Loni