Sky Diving

Last weekend we got to go indoor skydiving! It was so neat. There were about 15 of us and it was a completely new thing to everyone. We had no idea what we were doing and to be honest, we all kinda sucked at first. But, we had a talented instructor who taught us the safety tips, rules, and hand signals. He held us up in the shoot until we had the right body position to be able to fly on our own. He let us bump into walls sometimes so we could learn how to push off. And if we were about to be in trouble he would reach in and help out. Skydiving is a strength of his and was a weakness for most of us that first time.

This got me thinking about all my weaknesses I've been made aware of over the past year or so. It's not easy swallowing our pride and admitting that we are weak. However, God has given us weaknesses so we can be made strong. He tell us in the Book of Mormon, another testament of Jesus Christ similar to the Bible: And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

The closer we get to God, the more we realize our weaknesses. But, I love where it says his grace is sufficient. I have soooo many things I need to work on. I can't become strong on my own. I have to use God's grace. I have to use the Atonement of my Savior Jesus Christ to help me get there. It is a process. It's hard. It won't happen overnight. But He is constantly reaching out for us as we reach out for Him. Just like our skydiving instructor who wouldn't let us bash our face on the wall, our Father in Heaven and His Son will not let us fall.

...because of Him, and all He did and all He was and is, we too can triumph.

We also can overcome. We can live abundantly in the midst of trials.

If we choose to behold Him and accept and apply His saving gospel, He will save us.

He will rescue us from the effects of our own fallen natures and foibles, and He will save us from sin, from spiritual mediocrity, and from ultimate, eternal failure. 

He will purge, refine, beautify, and eventually even perfect us.

He will give us joy and peace. He is the key to abundant life.

(Elder L. Whitney Clayton)

Transitions

This year in school I had classes where I got to go to elementary and junior high schools to teach PE. Before we taught we had to create a lesson plan with the different aspects of a lesson such as warm up, fitness, focus, and closure. The hardest part of executing our lesson plan was the transitions in between these aspects. We had to consider the equipment used, the formations we needed the students to be in, creating teams, and the actually instruction and demonstration of skills. I did not master the transitions and have a long ways to go before I get it down, but each lesson I taught had improvement. Lately I've been thinking about how this ability to transition smoothly is applicable to life in general.

The semester ended in April, and almost immediately after finals Scott and I drove out to Kansas City, where we are working for the summer. Leading up to this transition I was freaking out about leaving everything behind (the stress of finals wasn't helping), even if it was only for four months. When we got here I couldn't believe that it actually happened. I left my family, friends, school, car, and job back in Utah, and here I was in Kansas with nothing but my husband and a job. It was scary. And hard.

What has really helped me in this transition is focusing on all the great things about it, rather than all the unfortunate parts. Rather than thinking about how I'm not around all my family, I think about I get this time to focus and build my marriage without outside influence from anyone. Rather than thinking about how none of my friends came out here with us, I remember that I am making new friends and lasting relationships. Rather than thinking about how I'm not at the math lab doing what I already know how to do, I think about how I am learning so many new skills that will help me in my future. Rather than thinking about how I could be taking classes, I think about how great it will be to not have debt after college because we worked hard in the summers.

Making transitions in life is something that is inevitable really. But one way we can deal with it is to think about the things that are still there that we appreciate, even among all the changes. I'm still K'Loni. I still have my same hobbies and talents and get to build those. The same people still love me and I love them. All this really is is an opportunity to grow.

I am still a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father who sent me here and give me amazing experiences so I can learn and grow and become more like Him. Try to at least remember that when you are going through a hard transition.

The Gift of Life

I have been kicking myself that I haven't blogged since the wedding. I've thought of so many things that I could write about over the last few months, but other things always seem to get in the way. However, this time I couldn't let that happen, because I had to express how grateful I am for just life itself. It is probably the hardest thing we ever have to do overall, so it kinda fits the theme :)

I've been able to celebrate the birth of Jesus this last week, as well as my own birth today. But I have never felt so much appreciation for either his life or mine. I read a book over the last week that talked a lot about the Atonement and how it can cleanse us and change us. I needed that reminder and am so happy that through Christ's death, sacrifice, and resurrection, we can have life. Physical and spiritual. Him and our Father in Heaven give us breath everyday. How often to we realize that and appreciate it? My outlook on that has completely changed since Sunday.

On our way to church, my husband Scott and I got in a car accident. We hydroplaned and spun into oncoming traffic. As I was sitting in the truck watching it spin, I honestly thought my life was going to be over. When our truck was hit by another truck, my door popped open and I was ejected and thrown to the ground. As soon as I felt myself hit the ground I got up and ran to the shoulder of the road because I didn't want to get hit by a car. I fell to my knees on that grass and thanked God that Scott and I were somehow still alive.

Here I am today, celebrating my 22nd birthday. How? My only explanation is that miracles do happen. The EMTs said they had never seen anyone be thrown from a vehicle and be as fine as I was. The ER doctor told me hat there is a 50% mortality rate when people are ejected from vehicles, and that I was the luckiest girl in Indianapolis that day. All I could think or say was that I have angels watching over me. I so easily could have died. And I left the emergency room with the diagnoses of a only a sprained neck and sprained back. So I am a little sore. That's it. Oh, and I have a little bump on my forehead. ;) It was very emotional thinking about how I still get to hug my family and talk with them face to face. How I get to go back to school and work and doing all the things that I love. I will forever thank my Heavenly Father for the breath I am given every single day by Him. I believe that everything happens for a reason. He must still need me here, and I want to continue to give my life to Him so He can use my how He needs to. Life is precious. Let us try to always remember that, not just when something tragic happens. Yes, life is hard. But it is the only way we can learn and grow to become like God our Father. And it will be so worth it.

I Want...

While reading the scriptures this morning, I came across a verse that I hadn't noticed much in the past. It is in the Book of Mormon and is talking about Christ's church that has been set up on the American continent by a prophet of God. It reads, "And this he said unto them, having been commanded of God; and they did walk uprightly before God, imparting to one another both temporally and spiritually according to their needs and their desires" (Mosiah 19:29).

I've had discussions with people who think that God only cares about our needs. That small things don't matter to Him, because they may be things that don't really help on our eternal progression. These might include where you live or if you make the volleyball team or where you work or how well you do at your job. But I'm of the impression that if it matters to us, it matters to our Father in Heaven. He may not give us all of our desires all the time, but I believe that He does care. And if we look back and really think about the blessings in our lives, were they all really just a necessity that we absolutely needed?.. David J. Ridges wrote study helps for all of the scriptures, and this is the quote he included with the above mentioned scripture.

"...the Lord is not interested in only our 'bare bones' needs. Rather, in the true gospel, and through the Spirit, much attention is given to individual wants, talents, abilities, etc. It is probable that many of the sweet blessings and 'tiny miracles' in your life have had to do with our wants and desires, not just your needs for survival. Thus, you have the knowledge that the Lord's interested in you as an individual, and that He knows you well, and enjoys blessing you in ways that are unique, intimate, warm, and special to you."

I've found through experience lately that God finds ways to help us with our needs and desires. For example, after deciding to get married in the Fall, I had to sell my housing contract and start looking for an apartment to live in when we get married. It was such a pain. I was stressing out looking online, calling and emailing people, and visiting different apartments for weeks. I was praying for help to find a place, but after not finding what we wanted I changed my prayers a bit. The Lord knew my desires, but I started asking Him to put us where He needs us and where we can serve Him best. Prayer is about aligning our will with God's, not telling Him what to do for us. This is often a hard thing, but I've found that as we do it we can better notice the Lord's hand in our lives and realize that our needs and desires are fulfilled simultaneously.

When You Least Expect It...

Many people will tell you that God answers prayers. And I am definitely one of those people. However, even if we believe that He will answer, we still tend to ask that those questions of "when" and "how" that answer will come. We humans can be pretty demanding and kind of high maintenance. We want what we want, and we want it now. So, when we don't get that, it can be hard. One of my favorite quotes is by President Uchtdorf, an apostle of Jesus Christ. He said, " The Lord's promises are not always swift, but they are always certain." God promises that He will answer us and give us what we need. That is certain. Whether it's tomorrow, next year, or when you least expect it, it is certain. 

I have been home from my mission for nine months now. Crazy, I know. I knew that once I got home the next thing we work towards is marriage and having a family. I also knew that I was nowhere near ready for that stuff. But, I started praying anyways. I asked Heavenly Father to at least just help me be prepared so that when I met the right person, I would know that it was right. But that was it. I was not asking for a time frame or a prince charming or anything like that. I was in no rush; I was just leaving it up to God.

I started school in January at BYU, where there is a lot of pressure to date and get married. I remember being home one weekend after having been at school for few weeks and having a conversation with my amazing stepmom. She asked me how dating was going and all that fun stuff, and I told her that I wasn't really worried about it. That it wasn't very high on my priority list and I was just kind of going with the flow of whatever happened. If I got asked, I'd go, but I wasn't necessarily seeking... She told me that I needed to at least pray for Father to send the angels to prepare someone really great for me. And she said I needed to do my part. Whether it was one date per week or whatever, but that I at least had to try. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't avoiding dating. But I wasn't fond of having a different first date every weekend, half of them being blind. But, I agreed to at least add to my prayers that someone would be prepared for me. 

After a couple months of that, a friend that I had since the beginning of the semester asked me on a date. I said yes, because I always said yes to at least a first date. And he was pretty cute too, so it wasn't hard. :) It ended up being one of the best dates I'd been on. So, we kept going on dates and hanging out. He ended up leaving for the summer, and it sucked. I was always so wishy washy and unsure about our relationship, which I'm sure drove him insane, but I kept praying for those things that I had been praying for for months. I'll admit that I was getting a little impatient with God for not letting me know if this was the right person for me to be with. But, I knew that God had a plan for me and I was learning to accept that. Even if it was a hard thing. 

Well, long story short, I went to visit this boy one weekend, and it just clicked. That is the only way I know how to explain it. I was not expecting that to happen at all, but like I said, sometimes God answers our prayers when we least expect it. After praying all that time to know when it was right, I knew. There were no more doubts. Nothing had ever felt so right to me. No, there wasn't writing in the sand that said, "MARRY HIM," which is what we sometimes wish would happen. I had been praying for someone great to be prepared for me, and for me to be prepared for whoever that may be. And, after weighing it out logically and emotionally and spiritually, that happy feeling I had while I was there had to be my answer. It was everything I could have asked for, even if the timing wasn't what I had imagined. 

Remember, this doesn't only have to be about dating or getting married. It could be for anything that is in our future--jobs, housing, family, school. If we continue to trust in God and ask, His time table is much better than ours, and the right thing will happen exactly when it is supposed to. So keep praying. Keep working. And keep that faith in God and His timing. Because when you can look back and see the bigger picture, it will all my perfect sense, just like it did to Him the whole time. 

Communication is Key

An old friend of mine would use his famous line: "Confidence is key." I would just laugh whenever he said it because I always thought he was too confident. However, as I've grown up more I've found it to actually be pretty true. But it's also led me to realize how communication is also key. When we talk about boys or dating one of my roommates would always say "open, honest, direct" is the best way to go. But the more I've thought about it and had experiences, the more I've learned that it is always the best policy, not just with dating.

It takes effort to communicate.
Not everyone is naturally open.
Being honest can be a hard thing.
I think it's totally human to beat around the bush and be indirect.
But as I've paid attention and observed different peoples' communication skills, I've noticed that when we know how to communicate it can really improve our relationships and stress levels!

So, how do you do it? Well, I'm no expert. I wish I was. But I've seen my communication improve just as my awareness has increased. I think it's one of those things that takes practice and is a life long learning process. It goes back to confidence--we need it to be open and honest.  I've been around quite a few terrible communicators and also some really great ones. I try to take what I see them do or don't do and apply it. For example, my mom was the best listener I know, so I've been trying to be a better listener thanks to her example. Lately my dad and I seem to forget to tell each other important things, so we are both working on keeping each other in the loop more. It really is the small things. Then, once you get started, it gets easier.

I am so grateful for the relationships that I have now where good communication is a priority on both sides. There isn't secrets or games or dishonesty, and it makes it much easier to grow and keep building these friendships that are so necessary. Too often we let fear stop what would be a great relationship. But we can always pray for strength and courage to say the right things at the right times. Yes, it can be scary and a hard thing, but learning how to be a better communicator and being open, honest, and direct is SO worth it when you see the positive effect it has in different aspects of your life.

Can't stop, won't stop

Title is stolen from Nike, but I feel like this is just the attitude you have to have when you have hard things to get through. Just keep swimming. Never give up. Put one foot in front of the other. Easier said than done, I know. But when we somehow find a way to just push through, we eventually end up at the end, even if we don't know how we got there.

For example, last week I finished the semester. It wasn't easy. College isn't really easy. Finals always seem like they will be the death of me. But somehow I walk out of that last test and realize that I did it, and I'm still alive. We can survive and feel accomplished by not stopping. Just doing our very best, even when we feel like we can't go on. My dad always told me that I wasn't a failure unless I didn't finish. There were times this semester where I felt zero motivation to study. Where I couldn't even stay awake sitting in the library. Where I just wanted to run away! (Sometimes I did, but I'll get to that). However, I knew I didn't have a choice, so I just thought about how I want to be happy in the future and took another step forward.

Sometimes, I had to literally take that step forward. These are the times when I didn't quit, but took a little break. I love to run, and that's what I would do to keep me going. If I tried to go a whole day with just study and no work out, I would feel like...just yuck! You can also find that thing that makes you happy and gives you that little boost to keep going. It helps to find something to work towards. I purposely registered for half marathon that was the week finals ended. It motivated me to just finish classes strong so I could go to St. George and run that race that I'd been looking forward to for months. So I felt good finishing finals, but the real feeling of accomplishment came when I crossed that finish line.

I can't even begin to describe how amazing it felt. Yes, while I was running my knees hurt and I was hungry and tired and wanted to stop and walk, but I just kept going. I wanted to be able to say, "I ran 13.1 miles without stopping." We all want to be able to say we did our very best in whatever we do. And when we do that, imagine how it will feel when we cross that short term finish line, or the long term one at the end of our lives. I want to be able to say that I took another step forward. I kept swimming. I didn't give up. I'm not a quitter or a failure, because I FINISHED.