Becoming a Mom

Let me preface this with saying that being a mom is my favorite thing ever and better than anything I've ever done in my life! Ezra is an angel and the thing I am most proud of. But I want to talk about how the first six months of being a mom (or parent in general) has still been pretty hard and something that I feel like no one can prepare you for! After talking with some friends about how no one really talks about the difficulties of the first bit of motherhood, I thought I would write about it for us. :) Even though I'm not a writer at all, and this will be all over the place for sure, I do care about helping others in any way I can, and I started this blog a few years ago because I felt like God wanted me to try to help others by sharing my experiences.

Ok. So we all think pregnancy is hard. And it is. Then we are all scared for labor and delivery and read/learn everything we can to be prepared for it. We ask everyone we know how their pregnancy was and how their delivery went and they tell us. Sometimes it helps, but not usually because every individual is SO different! Luckily I have an awesome sister-in-law who warned me a bit about the recovery after giving birth, but a lot of women that I've talked to had no idea about that part.

I'm just gonna be real. So sorry in advance. I had stitches from tearing and hemorrhoids from pressure and pushing. Once the anesthetic wore off it hurt so bad to do anything but lay down. And even that hurt. I was taking ibuprofen and sitz baths but the only thing that really helped was time and sleep.  Which, what new mom gets to sleep, right? I wanted to just sleep for a week straight after delivery. Oh yeah, I kind of always wondered before I had a baby how it worked to go to the bathroom after. Well there's lots of pain and bleeding and eventually chaffing. Yep, told you I was gonna be real. Oh and don't forget about getting peed on and pooed on and spit up on multiple times a day. I hope you have a washer at home!

Then breastfeeding hurt just as bad if not worse. I just remember sitting on my couch and trying to get as comfortable as I could before I fed Ezra. EVERY TWO HOURS. You literally feel like all you are doing is feeding. It seemed like I had just finished and it was time for him to eat again. Like my nipples had just stopped hurting and then it was time for more pain. There were even times when I would cry when he latched on because it hurt so bad. Thank goodness for Lanolin and those magic gel pads they gave me at the hospital. Then I had to get over nursing in public. At first I would pump and bring a bottle, but I said screw that pretty quick. Now I'm a pro and so glad because it's so much easier to just do the real thing. With the whole normalize breastfeeding thing going on and all the laws that have been passed I just am embracing it! I'm proud to be able to feed my baby with my body! That's what it was made for!

They say to sleep while the baby sleeps but I couldn't seem to do that at first. I just felt like I needed to be awake for him even if he was sleeping. Even when my stepmom and mother-in-law and husband were there. Eventually I learned that it was fine and to sleep every chance I got! You literally feel like a zombie just going through the motions trying to stay alive and keep the baby alive. And most of us look like zombies too haha. Oh and I can't forget to mention that my dad asked why I still looked pregnant when we got home from the hospital HA! Yes, your uterus stays huge for a bit but don't worry it will shrink and you will too eventually! I felt like a disaster and my house felt like a disaster, which made me feel worse because I thrive on cleanliness and organization! Those things are just so minimal and unimportant though compared to the amazing opportunity you have to just spend time with a sweet newborn and the friends and family who come to support you.

Two or three weeks passed and I started to feel like a normal person again! Yay! Then the other difficulties came. There is the initial euphoria of this beautiful babe that's all yours. People bring you food and your mom or someone is there to help (hopefully), so really you are just dealing with the physical stuff at first. Then everyone leaves and goes back to their normal lives and you get the inadequacy and uncertainty of whether you can actually do this. Like how could God trust me with such a perfect, precious child of His and what if I mess up?! Then I was still tied to the house and the baby for the most part because I had to feed him what felt like every second. I would get so frustrated because my husband could leave for hours and do fun stuff and I couldn't (I still struggle with this one six months later). I felt like my life had completely changed and his had barely changed. Especially since he was such a heavy sleeper that he barely woke up at night when the baby did. Then there's finding a babysitter if you want to go out without baby. And not being able to just up and leave anytime you want because you have to get a third person ready and out the door which takes like at least 30 more minutes.

One of my favorite authors, Rachel Hollis, talks about this topic in her book Girl, Wash Your Face. And I'm going to talk about a bunch of her stuff now because it has helped me tremendously with this hard thing. She said it was the first time she was sure she hated her husband. I laughed when I read that because that's exactly how I felt! And she says it's totally normal and likely to happen again. Good to know. ;)

As you grow and the baby grows certain things get better and new obstacles arise! My body finally felt normal again after like 3-4 months. Looking back it seemed like that time was going by so slow but it actually went lightning fast! I'm so glad I just enjoyed each moment and didn't worry or rush too much because they are only little for so long. Now we get to actually play and chat and eat real food and it's a blast!

Here's the thing. You aren't going to mess up. You are blessed with mom super powers. I know that sounds dumb, but I sincerely believe I gained more than a baby when Ezra was born. God wouldn't put us here and ask us to "multiply and replenish the earth" and then just leave us hanging. Rachel says, "you can't fail at a job you were created to do." She talks about how a new mother's list of daily goals boil down to 1) take care of the baby (feed, cuddle, change diaper, keep it warm, love it), and 2) take care of yourself. My baby is almost 7 months old and I still remind myself of this advice when I feel like I have to do a million things. If you are both still alive at the end of the day you know what that means? SUCCESS!!!

Rachel says what helped her was finding friends who were also new moms, staying away from social media, getting out of the house, and talking to someone about her feelings. I have used all of these and they have helped me as well! I have also tried to find time everyday for me. Lately it's been mornings before Ezra and Scott wake up. I do my workout and make breakfast and listen to something uplifting that starts my day off right. I could go on forever about this stuff but I think this post is long enough! I hope anyone will feel comfortable asking me anything because I love to talk about my experiences and help in any way I can!