Pregnancy!

I can't believe it's been over a year since I wrote a blog post! Yikes! I wish I was more on top of it. I really don't have an excuse. But today Scott is gone and I just had a feeling I should write! It's less than a month till our little guy gets here! I can't believe how fast it has gone. But I want to give a little backstory of the pregnancy in hopes that it can help someone out there. :)

I was going to be finished with school in December 2017 and then we are moving out of state in April 2018. So we wanted to try to have a baby within this four month window while we were still in Utah near family. We were very blessed and basically got pregnant right away last spring. We only knew for a week or so before I lost the baby. It was during finals and the process of moving to Kansas for our summer job, so I didn't really even have time to realize what was happening. Of course I was sad, but I was also so busy that I didn't have much time to think about it.

Scott's summer job is very demanding and we hardly ever see each other. I was also working and taking a full school schedule. Eventually during the summer it hit me and I got pretty down. With my friends being pregnant and having babies I was sad that I wasn't. I wondered if it was something I did. The one thing I have always known I'm supposed to do in this life is be a mom, so I just felt lost. Then I also felt guilty for being sad because there are people who can't get pregnant or lose their babies later on, so my problem seemed so minuscule comparatively. Any miscarriage is hard, but knowing the anatomy of it, how often it happens, and God's plan helped Scott and I overcome the sadness we felt. I just had to trust that everything would happen how it was supposed to, even if it wasn't the timing I had expected.

Pregnancy is different for every single person, and I have been pretty blessed to have a relatively normal and healthy one. But now I know that having a baby in December would have been SO HARD for me! My first trimester I was sick but it was mostly after I was finished with my summer classes and work and before starting student teaching. Then I was blessed to be student teaching during mostly my second trimester, when I had energy and mobility. I just got back from a little walk around the block today and it was painful and exhausting, so I can't imagine teaching PE all day every day in this condition haha!  And then the past couple months since finishing school in December I've had time to prepare for baby to get here while still working a flexible job.

Yes I'm in pain and uncomfortable and ready for him to get here. Yes it has killed me to not be able to exercise or sleep like I want to. Yes my body may never be the same. But, just feeling him move inside of me gives me hope and patience and so much love already. It is an amazing privilege and responsibility to grow a human and bring him into this world! I'm a first time mom and don't know really anything about babies or motherhood. I'm sure it will be hard, but so so worth it. Like I said, I feel like I was born to be a mom and am so grateful and excited that I get to be one! I wouldn't have made it this far without all the amazing mothers in my life, and I am grateful for their continual support and love and example to me.